Personal accounts of paranoia

Sally, USA

I have always been afraid of the dark. As i got older it has progressed. It isn't as much the dark that I'm afraid of now, it's the feeling of what may be in the room that i cannot see. I always feel like someone is there, and is going to either kidnap, rape, or kill me. Many times when I am home alone I feel that someone is going to break in and kill me. I always feel that someone is there. I have to look through my entire house in every room and closets to reassure myself that i am truly alone. It happens when I am babysitting for other families as well. When I put the kids down for bed, I feel that there is someone watching me through the windows and is going to break in and take the kids and/or kill me. At home I check under my bed and close my closet and bedroom door. Unfortunately it doesn't have a lock. When I go into the bathroom I check behind the shower curtain, I don't really think there is someone behind it, I just check as a nervous habit. I check behind doors as well. When I fall asleep I make sure that my feet are covered, otherwise I feel that someone is going to pull me out of bed, or cut them off. I also sleep with the phone next to me so I have it in case of emergency. When I'm in public alone, I often times feel that people are watching and plotting to attack/rape me. Ever since I knew about such things, I always feel like someone is going to take me away and rape me. This gives me many nightmares and bad visions. Also, when I hear certain little noises it really worries me. It's usually nothing, but it gets my mind thinking about every worst possible cause.

Vivian, US

Well when I’m in the car driving i think the person that’s driving behind me is following me to where ever im going! and everytime I’m at a party and someone gives me a drink or i get something to drink i think its been laced with something and i start panicking.i also have this problem when im out somewhere in public like in a grocery store i get this scary feeling about men that they’re following me plotting on me trying to set me up watching me to leave out the store so they can do something to me and i hate these feelings their so scary and annoying.

Tim, London

I am nearly 21 and over the last 6 months I have noticed that I am becoming extremely paranoid of those around me especially my friends and colleagues at work, all I think about is that they are plotting to screw me over or take advantage of me to better themselves and its driving me insane! I cannot trust anyone and don't want to talk or interact with anyone. on top of this I have just met a wonderful girl who would be a perfect girlfriend and because of my paranoia it is driving me away from her and causing tension between us. I used to use a lot of different varieties of recreational drugs up until I realised that something was wrong and still drink is tlarge amounts of alchol which I suppose doesn't help but it seems the only release for me at the moment and I feel like there is no-one to turn to!

Sarah, UK

I had an argument with a friend and we don't speak anymore. I'm now paranoid that she is going to kill me as she came to stay at my house a couple of times and knows where I live. I had thoughts last year that my housemate was trying to kill me and poison me. I even forced myself to throw-up some food he had given me as I was scared it would kill me.

Kate, Leeds

I took a lot of recreational drugs when I was 18/19 and when I was 19 I was in birmingham taking drugs and I took too many and felt really low, the first time I experienced a 'bad trip' and had to leave the club I was at and go back to our room. I smoked alot of bud and calmed myself down, then in March I took alot of coke, pills and skunk in one night and got convinced the guy who I was with (my dealer) could hear my thoughts and was communicating with me through the t.v that was on. It was horrible. Now whenever I even smoke weed I think everyone can hear my thoughts and start thinking everything in life is related to me, like films me and my friends may watch or music we listen to. It is damn annoying and I really hope I'm not the only one out there.

Mary, UK

Thanks to everyone who posted, it's all helpful stuff that I will be trying form now on. I'm very paranoid about stuff to do with work, I'm a manager in a big office department and I'm convinced everyone is out to get me and that everyone is talking about me behind my back all the time and waiting for me to fail. Every time I make a mistake, I feel like everyone is gleeful that I have done so, as if this only serves to prove my incompetence. I also dwell on situations that have happened months ago and imagine that my friends are always talking about me. And the worse point is when I try to go to sleep at night, all the things that are on my mind just whirr wound my head incessantly and I find it really difficult to clear my head. I feel insane!!!

Ahmed, India

Whenever I walk through the marketplace, I'm always afraid that people are judging me for whatever--my moustache, my prominent nose, my slightly lazy left eye. It may just be insecurity, but I actually am afraid that someone will just out of the shadows, with a knife, and attempt to gouge my eye out, shave my moustache (I have a disfiguring mole on my upper lip--so the moustache is another product of insecurity), or slice off my nose.

Pete, London

I feel reading these has helped, been having paranoid thoughts for a couple of years although everything in my life is as good as I can wish for. Really about watching horror films or anything in a film which I can picture it being me, then I will constantly think that its going to happen for weeks. cant get the thought out my head that someones planning it for me and think whats the point of going on, best to end it quick. Have a very vivid imagination and can watch a film then think how I could make it worse, and get feelings that someone knows this and will try it on me. Sounds mad writing this and explaning it to someone, can strongly visualise horrible things and think it could actually happen. get really negative when I have the thought that no one can say it wont ever happen.

Jen, England

i'm glad i've found this website, i finally feel like i can let out my feelings. whenever i walk down the street i feel like everyone is watching me from inside their houses. when i'm waiting for the bus i think that people are watching me as they drive past in their cars and when i'm on the bus i get the feeling that people are watching me and laughing at me because of my appearance. when i'm waiting for my friends i feel like everyone is walking past and laughing at me bacause i'm on my own. i don't even feel safe in my own home and i'm really suspicious of my neighbours. the only time i feel safe is when i'm with my friends and immediate family but i don't think i can trust anyone. i'm sick of these paranoid thoughts, they're ruining my life.

Katherine, London

I feel that everyone is talking about me behind my back, noone really likes me but are pretending to. I feel that everyone is looking at me and thinking bad thoughts, and that people hate me in general. I fear that people that say they care for me are saying it as a joke for others that I am not in on. I think everyone is lying to me and they don't ever tell me how they really feel about me. I used to as a child fear that there was going to be a fire in our house every night. I'd worry about going near rivers incase someone fell in and drowned. I'd worry about going too fast in cars incase we crashed. I'd sometimes feel in public places that I was (if sitting) sitting on layers of dirt and germs and it makes me feel sick. I fear someone is hiding in the dark when I can't see. I feel I am never invited to social events with my friends because they really hate me and have to put up with me because they are too nice/afraid to hurt my feelings. Social situations generally terrify me :/

Phil, Canada

In high school I went from being really outgoing and big on friends to being somewhat of a loner. Everyone knew me and i was cool with most people but for some reason I never hung out with them and they never called me. I just did not like big crowds. I am okay with public speaking and things like that... but big social crowds wierd me out... Eventually I realized I was only meeting people online or through friends, and then I think people thought I was a bit shy. By Uni I was starting to do drugs because I was depressed alot and seemed to have really disturbing anxieties about basically everyone. My physical and mental health deteriorated pretty quickly and I am for the most part clean after 2 years or so of fairly moderate drug use.. But the problems from the drugs are mostly easily identifiably different from the every day paranoia/depression that I have had for 7 years now. At work I feel as some have said "barely tolerated" in life its always some scheme, some serious social grief i interpret... its difficult to live like this- and it gets easier and then punches you back down. Like trying to get out of quicksand.

Sue, UK

Well I’m quite young, and experience weird thoughts that i know are unreasonable and extreme (I KNOW!) but i just cant shake them. They vary, and sometimes i am not completely aware of them (like they're subconscious)but some examples i am aware of include being absolutely terrified of walking off a bus in case i trip or do something embarrassing, or talking to a shop assistant, or walking around a mall on my own, or being alone around a group of people (because they are talking about me)it has become so bad- i withdraw myself from social situations and i also think i have social phobia.. im just all over the place (mentally). i also think people are watching me all the time, judging me, even whilst i am inside my house, when i am alone it is even worse. sometimes they tell me things like walk straight, and smile or fix ur hair (mostly about my appearances)also it is like i can *hear* peoples thoughts, like "move out of the way, you are blocking my view of the pretty girl" and i move.

Ellen, Brighton

I had issues with paranoia regularly for years due to the use of recreational drugs, too many of them, not enough sleep, out all the time with a bloke who thought very little of me and people I had little in common with. It was like I was trying to appear to be a party animal but in truth my head was in bits constantly. Things needed to change. Knocked the drugs on the head, only spent time with people I knew were my friends and got rid of the bloke ...bingo..last episode was 3.5 years ago. I still have to be careful what sort of clubs I go to as memories can easily be triggered but on the whole I am feeling great, you need to know when to call it a day if a lifestyle does not suit you. You have nothing to prove to anyone so enjoy life and have some control.

Richard, USA

Last year I thought the FBI was watching me because of a website I visited, even though it was legal. If I saw a helicopter and a police car or a suspicious car near me I would panic, convinced they were coming to get me. That same year I was convinced my new supervisor was plotting to get me fired or demoted. He would constantly downplay my workload for that night, hoping I would not do important work, so when the boss came in the next morning he would be annoyed and eventually fire me. I am chronically suspicious of everyone around me, fearing their going to attack me or are laughing at me. Living with this black cloud of fear and anger over my head everyday really sucks.

Jessie, USA

My husband loves to watch scary movies and I try to enjoy this with him but every time I watch one of these movies he always falls asleep while I lay awake thinking there is someone in my house going to harm me or my 3 kids. I’m scared out of my mind. I leave all lights on and lock all doors and I still feel like I hear someone coming upstairs or someone is in my bedroom. I won't even sleep at all. Too afraid. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I’m an adult and not a child.

Cheryl, USA

I feel like family members, neighbours are plotting and breaking my things and they think I'm stupid and don't know they are doing it. I accuse them and they deny it.

David, USA

I found this website very interesting. Don’t know that I ever have read a similar one. I can relate to a lot of these people's testimonies. My thoughts have been a constant uproar in my life. I believe mine could have been caused by a young life of drinking and being brought up in a slightly dysfunctional home and dysfunctional town. I believe dysfunction probably exist in many different settings and environments. I can take a simple situation or conversation and my mind will blow it completely out of proportion with paranoia or irrational thoughts to the degree that it affects my health in some ways. I become highly suspicious of people and think someone may have it in for me. Then after I have time to sit down and think about things most of it seems absurd. My mind seems to magnify a situation into something it's not. 99.9% of my thoughts never materialize, it's all within myself. I believe I was born with a heightened form of thinking or some sort of hypersensitive thinking. Anyway found this site fascinating. The good Lord helps me stay in check.....Smile. Take care.

Celia, UK

I worry that my friends don't really like me and that they just put up with me, that I’m not really invited to events but that they feel they have to ask. I always think they like each other more than they like me. But, I also wonder whether my friends feel the same way too, I have one friend who is good about talking about this kind of thing and voices similar concerns, maybe these ideas are part of being human and are attempts by our minds to protect us, unfortunately I think maybe the margin of error is too large and these thoughts are emphasised, which help with self-preservation, but not with social interaction. Maybe it is a cost/benefit situation where being kept safe outweighs, in evolutionary terms, the need for love and affection. Paranoid thoughts must serve some purpose if they exist in so many of us. Indeed, if it was rare, we would not have a word for it, or it would be a little known word. Maybe the modern world is too fragmented to create the loving, understanding and nurturing environment for people to feel safe with each other. Also, I think we are all scared to reveal our private sides for fear that people will use it against us (I am anyway), we all try to project a public front because of this fear, and because we are all doing it all we see of other people is their public persona (because they too are scared to show their private persona) we feel that we are different or alien as we know that we are projecting a front, but we do not know that other people are. Maybe liberation from paranoia is to create environments of trust where we admit who we are inside, I think we will find that we are all very similar, we are after all the same species, how can we be that diverse? In passing a few weeks ago, I said that I was worried that I smelt too much when we were out, and my friend turned round to me and said "I thought it was only me who worried about that" and I said "you can bet your life that if you do something, somebody else does it too" I saw her again a couple of weeks after this and she repeated it to me and said it really resonated with her and made her feel better, it bridged a gap between us and she realised that we are the same inside. I think we could all do with realising that our behaviours are part of being human, we all do them, they are part of our, individual, social, cultural and genetic make up and do not happen in isolation, they are not created personally by us but are part of the COLLECTIVE human condition. I hope I haven't waffled too much and that this makes sense to you and helps you, as a human being, I like to help you. We must act with love in the things we do.

Jill, Nottingham

Since moving I seem to have contracted paranoia. I've never ever in my entire life felt this bad. I had issues at home..but never ever felt as if someone deliberately wanted to make my life a hell so theirs would go fine. I moved to be with my friend who said she could help me and give me the emotional support I needed. She did and now doesn't. I've been trying to cope with it but for some reason have gotten more and more depressed. I now take meds for this. Every time anyone calls my friend or talks to her kids upstairs I think that I’m being talked about.. everytime..and when I ask she says that I’m off topic and I’m not talked about at all. I just can't believe it. My friend talks about loyalty and I just think that she's betraying me all the time. I'm 20 years old and because of her I lost my job my car my friends my life.. because I supported her through everything and now.. urg I feel like she don’t care about me anymore and all I can do is think about committing suicide ...sigh.. wish I knew what to do

Jack, USA

I believe that someone is trying to kill me. Since I was a child (about 7 or 8) I have had feelings that someone is out to get me.

At first I just thought someone was hiding in my closet or under the bed. I would imagine they would just be under there and when I would look, they would stare straight back at me. Of course no one was under my bed but that didn't stop me from checking anyways.

The more I thought about it, the more elaborate the scenarios got. I would think someone would be standing behind open doors with a knife. Soon I thought someone was standing behind the shower curtain. Every time I would go into the bathroom, I would check behind the door and the shower curtain, which sadly I still do today. I also thought someone was standing behind me when I looked in the mirror, so I would constantly turn around, which I still do today as well.

Recently, I have been getting the feeling that someone is following me when I'm out in public. I feel that when I'm get in the car someone is going to be in the backseat, so I check it before I get in. I also feel that if I'm standing near something with a small space on the bottom that someone is going to cut off my feet (e.g. an office desk or a bed).

I also get the feeling that someone is in my kitchen or standing in my doorway. I am constantly turning around to check to see if someone is standing there with a knife. If I don't, I imagine that someone is going stab my mother while she is sleeping and then come into my room and stab me in the back repeatedly until I am dead.

It's getting progressively worse and I am really sick of being so paranoid. I haven't told anyone which is probably a good thing or else they might think I'm a loon.

Sophia, USA

It is helpful reading all these posts. My problem is a little different in that I don't necessarily feel like people are watching me or talking about me behind my back. For me, the paranoia is a deep seated sense that they hate me. Everyone. Even my own husband and children, my family, my best friends. It is like the knowledge that they hate me is deeply etched in my psyche and I am constantly trying to convince myself it is not true. It gets so bad I feel like life is not worth trying and I want to hide. I am able to tell myself that this is a mental disability and that as powerful as the feeling is, I must not give in to it because it is not real.

Justin, UK

I have a real problem with people phoning me. sometimes ill be trying to relax after a hard day at work and my friends will ring me so I wont answer because imp tired or busy, then they don’t stop ringing me and carry on and I start to get anxious and I feel like their going to come to my house and like break in or say something I don’t wanna hear, if I here cars outside I worry that its my friends have rang my ex and has drove them down. I get to the point where I cant sleep and imp up for hours worrying and telling myself that its not gonna happen and imp just being stupid but it doesn’t work.

I worry about my friends, I feel like their going to slag me off and make things up about me.

I feel like people are looking at me and judging me.

I have days were I cant leave the house at all not even to see my friends, that’s usually when I get anxious about my friends constantly ringing me.

I’ve been diagnosed by my doctor as having moderately severe depression and every time I feel as though imp getting better or things are changing it just starts all over again its like it goes in cycles. Depression and mental illnesses run in my family so I guess I've got no chance!!

I sometimes wonder if I really am depressed I don’t feel good enough to be classed as depressed! I know that sounds stupid but I feel as though imp just a mess and there’s nothing more to it. I’m only 16 which is rubbish as the doctors won’t prescribe me any antidepressants.

I’m scared to post this in case people just look at it and think imp pathetic or that imp making it up, I feel such an idiot. I used to have a councillor but she didn’t really do much. now I just want someone who I can talk to who will just listen and know what to do.

Francine, USA

I have always been afraid/paranoid of being alone at home, the dark and many other things. Lately I have been constantly worrying that something bad is going to happen. When I am at home alone at night I jump at the sound of every noise and if I see something move like my shadow I think that it is someone and that may harm me. Lately, my fears are starting to become more intense and feel more realistic. However, I know that they are just in my head and that calms me down. It is hard for me to share this with my husband or anyone because I don't want them to think that I am crazy but I feel like I need help if a I want to live the rest of my life with inner peace especially now that I am a mother.

Tiara, USA

I have had nightmares since I was 4. I remember every nightmare I have had. I am terrified of the dark. Even if the lights are on I am afraid that something will turn them off. I always feel like my doors are going to close by themselves. I feel like a presence is in the room with me at night. I hate being alone at night and often get panic attacks. I lock my doors over and over. Even if I know I already did, just the thought will send me to the door again. I am terrified of 3 am in the morning. I always wake up just a few minutes before 3 and panic.

Katherine, Devon

I feel as if people that are close to me are trying to poison me, and every time I go to dinner there they are giving me more of the poison and soon it will kill me, I know they wouldn’t do it but the feeling is strong that I feel as if they are I even feel dizzy whilst eating the food and thinking of the poison, I cant be at home on my own as I feel scared that a ghost, an object or a person is going to kill me, I feel as if the light bulb is going to launch itself at me or the tv is going to hurt me, I feel as if some one is going to break in to my place and stab me, I feel a horrible feeling in my back where I am going to be stabbed, I hear voices telling me I ain't worth nothing, they tell me people are going to die, I even feel very uncomfortable about writing that bit as the voices tell me not to, it is a deep male voice that I hear the most, it has been happening since I was little, I cant remember a age, I am 19 yrs old now, I cant have people touch me unless its my partner or my son, I get a horrible feeling even if people just touch my hand, I have to wash my hands lots of time to get rid of the feeling, I cant leave my food on the side as I think someone has been in and poisoned it or even something, I just chuck the lot away, I see things happen in my head e.g. I've got an image of 3 masked men standing in my living room ready to kill me I see that loads of times, and it is exactly the same picture, I see people gettin killed and myself getting killed I literally see it in my head as if it was real, I am trying to fight the voices as I am writing this it feels as if my brain is expanding and it is going to burst at any time, I am currently taking seroquil 50mgs, the physiatrist tried to say I have a personality disorder, but my cpn doesn’t agree with it I am going to be seeing a different physiatrist and this time I have to tell him everything as I bottle a lot of stuff up as it is very hard for me to say as the voices tell me not to,...

Gemma, USA

I always feel that people are talking about me. I can't seem to have a good time at work, church, school or any place because I feel that people are saying bad things about me. When people I have been around smile at me, I feel that their smiles are vindictive because they know something bad about me. I have sabotaged relationships due to this horrible habit I have..I want help fast.

Jess, Ireland

Lately I have been extremely paranoid. I mean ever since I was little I was always worried. See me and my mom have been taking walks lately its usually at night Its like every person I see is a rapist or killer even though they are harmless and every car I see has someone who is going to jump out and try to kidnap us or every parked van has someone in it who is waiting for us so that they can get us in the van. Its really bad at gas stations. I just know I going to get carjacked or I'm going to walk in while the store is being robed and get shot. Since I have had this problem for I while I really am starting to get angry and I just wish I could enjoy something without being worried all the time

Janice, UK

Having gone through an abusive childhood both physical, verbal, mental and sexual I have suffered with severe depression now for over 10 years. Recently, following the break up of my marriage, I have started having paranoid thoughts. I constantly feel that I am being followed when I am driving the car. I have taken alternative routes to evade my followers and on one occasion really believed my abusive parents were following me. At other times it is the Social Services. I constantly have these thoughts and at the time can not justify them, become anxious, panicky and afraid. Only after can I calm down and quantify them. I also have had paranoid thoughts about people coming into my garden, re-arranging the plant pots etc and my home where I have thought someone has been in and moved something. When they are happening I go completely crazy and have even hit myself to make the thoughts go away. Sometimes I feel that I am losing my mind completely. My doctor has now put me on Olanzapine and they are somewhat easier to handle but still frighten me and make me feel confused and violated.

Ryan, Luton

In general Imp paranoid about almost everything. Every nice compliment or comment I get given I take it as sarcasm, or I think the person will go away and laugh at me behind my back. Imp scared to leave closet doors open, any doors, Cupboards, Curtains, Anything Like that I simply will not leave open. Imp always paranoid that imp being watched, or that people are plotting against me, Every time I walk over to my friends, if the air goes silent or cold, imp always paranoid they hate me. Or sometimes if I walk over to people and they snigger or jerk a bit, I get worried there plotting against me. I get worried about going the shop, Being followed, Crossing the road all stupid things. When I walk past people, I always get the feeling there watching my back. or they will throw something at me. Imp stupid because I provoke things by trying to be me too much. The fact I have more hair than other boys puts me down too. I like it, but I fear it makes me hated by others just for being myself. I always feel guilty about everything minor I do, and it will play on my mind forever. I always think everything I do sucks, and Imp no good for nothing, and imp always paranoid that nobody likes me. Not even my family. I seriously need help coz people are starting to notice. There’s so much more, But I just don’t wanna rant too much.

Beth, USA

Since I was four, I've had trouble sleeping. I feel as if someone's going to get me at night or break in. When completely alone, I barricade myself into a single room, set the alarm, keep my dog with me, but still have trouble sleeping. Every night it's the same thing: Check windows and doors- Make sure everything is locked- Hear if there is any disturbances or noise- Don't look around the room; my mind makes me see human figures.

I've had a panic attack because I thought someone was chasing me, and I usually get goosebumps when I'm alone because I can imagine someone coming around the corner.

Stay away from horror movies : one of my number one rules. I also have terrible, gory nightmares.

Sandy, USA

I often feel that others (co-workers, family, friends, etc.) are whispering about me behind my back when I am around them. I find myself having hurt feelings for no reason, because I suspect they are talking about how socially inept I may be, or how stupid I am, etc. It makes me withdraw and become very quiet, unwilling to share myself with other people, for fear they will only make fun of me for who I am. It's quite emotionally painful, and I have begun to consider suicide frequently as a way out.

Rachel, England

I think of myself as a very insecure person. I get paranoid in social situations and I'm frequently suspicious of people's motives, particularly those of men. I assume that when I hear laughter from another group of people, say on a bus or something, that they are laughing about me. I hate leaving the room when I've been sitting with a big group of people because I assume they all talk about me to each other once I've left: about my appearance and my personality. It gets so bad that I feel almost paralysed and I get panicky sweats. I've never told anyone this and the funny thing is that I seem really confident in social situations. I can talk to people really easily and am quick to make jokes. Yet, despite my exterior social camouflage, I can't shake this feeling of paranoia.

Craig, UK

I've been largely paranoid for about 6-7 years now due to misuse and overuse of recreational drugs. it all started 6-7 years ago when I was 15 and started smokin ghanj. after about a year of smoking heavy, mainly having shottys, bongs and cloud 9's all day long I took fet(amphetamines) for the first time. i'd never experienced a come down before and it scared me, I wanted to do myself in..i was afraid as i've ever been because of the huge wave of ideas and questions, answers, philosophies and doubts about myself all coming to me at the same time and that was the first time id ever experienced thoughts which I hadn’t created and weren’t my own. I don’t do any drugs anymore(besides huge quantities of alcohol, and smoking tobacco).since then, every time I smoked weed it was like fet had opened a gate or door which wasn’t meant to be opened and every drag of smoke would flood into this door and re-activate the automatic thinking. I began overthinking every little aspect of a current situation, whether it be how I was sat, whether if I flinched or moved a certain body part in a certain way some1 might interpret my actions in a strange manner. or on the exact opposite, id interpret every1 else’s actions into actions or gestures aimed at me. whether they laughed, scratched their nose, put a certain cd, song, film or tv channel on...it was all some how linked to me. after another year of getting worse, still smoking ghanj and bi monthly taking 1/10-1/8th of fet I started taking pills (ecstasy).although I had some of the most amazingly crystal clear hallucinations ill ever have I regret it all whole heartedly began taking pills almost every day for a year after also having began starting drinking heavily…. and began to believe that my family wanted to kill me, and the cypress hill poster of mine was controlling every aspect of my life. My behavior. the music I was programming the art work I drew and everything that went wrong in my life.

Elise, Canada

Paranoia and anxiety are running my life. I am afraid to step out of the house alone for the fear of the neighbours looking at me and talking about me. I fear crowds and work because I believe people look at me weird and think I am strange.

Simon, Canada

For the past few years I have been suffering from an extreme form of paranoia. I have basically fallen victim to the suspicion that my thoughts and daily life are somehow being broadcast on television throughout the world. Basically I am under the suspicion that my life is exactly like that movie the "The Truman Show". I think that people I interact with in my life are actors. This paranoia has severely stunted my social development and plagued me with a general fear of people. I have thankfully learned to live with this paranoia and have noticed that as time goes on the suspicion had grown weaker and my confidence had grown stronger. But that paranoia is always in the back of my mind no matter how weak it becomes.

Laura, Scotland

I believe that all of my very close friends are out to get me. I worry all the time about them. If one of my friends doesn't text me back or doesn't answer my phone call i worry that they hate me or are ignoring me and that i have done something wrong even if i haven't. I also worry that if something goes missing it was one of my friends. I know this isn't true and i can talk about this with my friends but they are getting sick of me going on at them now.

Susie, USA

I have never really known what you would call what I suffer from. Maybe its paranoia, maybe something else. I am suspicious of people talking about me or staring at me. My paranoia comes from so may more terrifying things. I am afraid of almost anything and it seems that the list gets longer everyday. I am scared of the dark, I am scared of closets being open, afraid of something sneaking into my house. Afraid of cars, airplanes. And not only am I afraid but I imagine the worse things happening. My furnace exploding, getting into a bad accident, the FBI breaking down my doors and busting us for having an illegal copy of a DVD. I have anxiety about everything that I do. Crossing the street, going to the store, packing. I think everything over and over and eventually begin to think horrible things about any situation. I wish there was some way to enjoy life and not be paranoid about everything in life.

Emily, UK

I have had a lot of problems with anxiety in the past but recently I have been so scared all of the time. I often think people are following me, especially when I'm driving. Often I think that someone in front of me is slowing down and waiting to see which way I'm indicating then going the same way. I think people are watching me. Tonight there was a car in the street outside and when he saw me looking out of the window he sped away. I cant stay at home on my own at night. I am just scared all the time that someone is going to harm me, try and break into my house or kill me :-(

Joanne, Canada

I tend to generally have a lot of problems at work with my paranoia.

Whether it comes to the social aspect of my work, or even my job security - my paranoia is there.

More recently (within this past week), people have been doing a lot of whispering, note passing and things like that. Immediately my paranoia tells me that it's about me and they're talking about me behind my back.

It's something I have a great issue controlling. I feel horrible, I feel like I don't matter, and it just makes me feel like crying all the time.

I don't like not being liked, I like social interaction.

The paranoia makes me feel like I'm blatantly ignored, not included, or anything.

Do I know if these thoughts are rational' I have no clue. I don't even know if they even think that. The girls here know I have an anxiety disorder, but in the past few years it's more like a paranoia personality disorder as opposed to anxiety. My anxiety was mostly resolved with medication (which I no longer take), and counselling.

It breaks my heart that I constantly feel this way about everything.

My mom doesn't say she loves me on the phone every time we talk - I constantly wonder if she's angry at me for something.

Work is the only social aspect of my life I really am worried about. I feel as though I'm only barely tolerated.

That is the worst feeling in the world.

Robert, London

I find that I start feeling stressed out or anxious when I lose a job for example, or the night before i only had 5 and a half hours sleep, my paranoid thoughts are at their highest then. I find deep breaths in and out and relax this does help, but does not help the feelings of total fear disappear, the fear seems to overpower me (totally) which is quite a strange feeling when you have travelled the world with absolutely no fear and then out of the blue it hit you BAM, I do think it is caused by too many things in one's life happening at the same time and then our coping mechanisms' seem to either cope or not and when we cannot cope we get anxious and then stressed out and this can then lead to nervous breakdowns, however, the good news is that if we catch it before it gets to that stage we can stop it going any further...it's all to do with our coping mechanisms and how we cope with life and the things going on in our life, but having said all this, i still have overwhelming feelings of total and utter fear which can hit me at any time, place or country. I also think it is a build up over the years and then one day it catches up on you, for example one might have been mugged say ten years ago (talking about myself) and then one day BAM it hits you (no pun intended).

Michael, USA

A lot of the time I feel someone, I have no idea who, is watching me. When I'm out in public, I always get the feeling that someone is either following me or is watching me. I really don't trust anyone but myself anymore. This has only started happening recently (within the last few months) and I wish I could get over it. I've never told anyone about this, I just always watch my back and take care of myself. Another thing that makes me not want to trust anyone is the fact that I always think everyone I meet is going to use me for something and then leave me when I have nothing left. I can't get close to people and when I do I'm way too over protective.

Julie, USA

I can relate to those who've posted here saying they seem most paranoid when in a bad or low mood. I was fired from my last job for seemingly no reason and now I am incredibly paranoid about getting fired again. I don't relish my job, but the pay is good and the people are decent to work with so I don't want to be fired. This is a low stress job, but I feel like if I don't pretend it's my life's dream being fulfilled, I'll get fired. Don't people know that not every job can be exciting' Can't people/bosses realize that while, yes, there may be pleasant or interesting aspects to a job, I'm mainly here to do my time and get a pay check so I can live' Not everyone figures out or lands their Dream Job. That's why we're able to get people to scrub toilets and clean hotel rooms; people need to work. They didn't dream of doing that work. They just do it. Frankly I wish I could never work again. I just don't understand life. And I think most people who meet me do not like me. I am paranoid that strangers are talking bad about me. Every time my co-workers have a chat without me, I think it's ABOUT me. Whenever my boss makes less eye contact with me during a meeting than anyone else, I think she hates me. Maybe she does. Who knows. I just don't know how people do it. How do you find a job you're good at AND enjoy' How do you know when someone really likes you' How do you find love' I don't trust anyone.

Amber, USA

Last summer I had a real hard time, I thought some one was trying to put drugs in my food. I would not eat anything that was not packaged, I would have to open my own food prepare it my self not even my husband could do it for me and then I would only eat a little bit to make sure it was ok I got really sick because my food intake was so small and had to start taking antidepressants which helped me.

Stephen, UK

I hate my paranoia, i think people are going to attack me for no reason. I can't get on public transport, i often think i hear the doorbell and there's no one there. I hear people saying my name out in the street when i'm sitting in my room and there's no one there. I think i hear the phone ringing as well. The doctor has put me on Seroquel (300mg) every day. It's taken over my life, i'm absolutely sick of it, I sometimes start to get really angry. I'm getting angry speaking about it now, it makes me feel stupid. Not right in the head. None of the doctors seem to want to help.

Amanda, USA

I have trouble staying by myself at night. The fact that I have 2 daughters with me doesn't make me feel any better about it. I only feel better when another adult is with me at night. I hear things bump outside, or feel someone is peeking in the window (blinds). I start imagining things that might harm me like ghosts or aliens, even though I don't believe in either. I only have these thoughts when I am alone at night. I can't even make myself go to sleep when I am alone. I am afraid I will wake up and someone will be standing over me trying to hurt me. Even when I dose off for a few minutes, I keep waking back up. I have to leave every light in the house on when I am alone and the TV must stay on to keep me from hearing any strange bumps. I have 3 dogs that stay inside with me at night who would attack anyone coming in the house, but I am still scared to death to be alone at night. I am just as afraid now as I was when I was a child. I have always imagined somebody (I don't know who) trying to harm me at night.

Anna, UK

I have always been a little anxious about what other people think of me, and if i have upset anyone. But recently this seems to have become worse on graduating as a nurse. Now that i have begun my new career i feel as though i am not capable of carrying out this highly stressful occupation, and worry that i am constantly getting things wrong, and that my colleagues are discussing this behind my back.

It is only in recent years that i realise that perhaps I feel this way because of past events, such as the arrival of my step dad when i was 12 years old, and the abuse he inflicted on me and my siblings, such as violence towards us and my mum, sexual abuse against me and one of my sisters, which i know of so far. I am sort of reconciled with my mum now, after the anger i felt towards her, and i have had counselling in the recent past, but at the moment things are starting to get on top of me again, although i am reluctant to seek help for fear of others thinking i am mad. also i used to be able to speak with my husband, but lately i do not believe he wants to know, and does not really listen any more, even now i believe that once people read this they will think i am being stupid and self pitying.

Anthony, Brighton

I too think that people are laughing at me or talking about me when I pass them in the street. I don't mind if I can find a reason for it, maybe my hair is a mess or something like that, but when there is no obvious cause my mind starts making more and more irrational justifications for the laughter. My favourite one is that there is something about me on the internet that everyone knows about except me. Of course, just because I can never find it doesn't mean it's not someone on the World Wide Web.

I think part of the problem is that I think everyone SHOULD like me and so I become overly concerned with what people think of me. This is totally irrational because it's utterly impossible to have everyone like you, some people will just take out their own insecurities on others for the most stupid little things. I would do well to focus more on what I think of me.

Katherine, Canada

I have experienced the ups and downs of anxiety and depression since my teens. I am now in my 30's. I have a medical condition that causes me to have a visible disability, so I know that people do look at me, and I think internalizing that all the time has led to some of my paranoia. Also, because of this disability. I have been quite insecure and especially afraid of failure because I've experienced many disappointments and barriers. That said, I am never able to enjoy my achievements when they do happen. I always seem to sabotage myself when things are going well in my life. My brain kicks into overdrive, and I start feeling like people are watching my every move, determined not to let me succeed. All eyes are on me. Everything is about me. Every conversation I overhear in a public place is about me. Everyone I meet already "knows" me...that sort of thing. When people say "Nice to meet you, I've heard lots about you.", I freak out inside, thinking that everything they heard must be bad. Right now, I'm even paranoid about posting this comment...afraid it will bring me bad "karma"! It is agonizing to go through this every time I get a good break. I recently got a good job, after coming out of a severe depression, and I can't even be proud of myself for it! I'm trying to tell myself that these feelings will pass, once I get familiar with my new job (provided I don't get so freaked out that I defeat myself)...but in the meantime, I have to keep all of this inside.

David, United States

Since I was in my early teens, I've been concerned that people around me were conspiring to harm me in some way. As a student, I thought it was the teachers - they (as a group) were plotting to fail me in school. At my work, I thought it was my employer and the other employees - they were plotting to fire me. At church, it was the minister and other members of the congregation - they were plotting to kick me out of the church. In almost all circumstances of my life, I perceived someone was out to get me. This always caused me anxiety but my response was to work harder so that they couldn't justify actually completing their plot. (That actually has served me well in life).

It never occurred to me that perhaps these thoughts weren't real until they started to get extreme. At one point in my life, I began to believe I was under surveillance by my employer. I believed there were video cameras hidden around work that were monitoring my every move in hopes of catching me doing something that could justify my being fired. I thought they were coming into my office when I was gone and going through my things. I became obsessed with "covering my tracks" (even though I had nothing to hide). I started staying at my office until very late at night - sometimes all night - to keep a watch on my things. The constant stress eventually caused me to get very depressed - at which time I finally sought out treatment.

The psychiatrist decided that it was all related to depression and treated me for that. With time, the depression went away and I stopped the treatment. But the suspicious thoughts never really did leave. They still cause me a lot of grief from time to time. But I have learned to try to dismiss them - that is never easy and sometimes almost impossible. I no longer believe them, which helps me function better in all aspects of my life. But that doesn't stop me from constantly thinking them.

Paul, Wales

I always seem paranoid. I think when i hear people laughing, that they are laughing about me and slagging me off. The television, radio, books, mags all are disclosing personal information about me, like reading my mind. When i cant find something in my home i always think my friends or mother have stolen from me. I hate talking in groups because i think i am being judged by everyone.

Rebecca, Belgium

I often suspect my friends' motives, even seeing compliments as veiled put-downs. I sometimes imagine them as having constructed elaborate scenarios so they can put me down to my face as a means of bonding with one another. I cling to my partner for reassurance and explanations/ interpretations of others' behavior. He gallantly claims I'd be annoyingly perfect without PPD. I'm overburdening him.

Work wise, I've been a temp all my life. Personality clashes happen, not surprisingly, and I want out, rather than to trust that it is possible to come to any understanding. Trust is the hardest thing.

I've been in and out of therapy since I was 17. I've learned a lot about the way I think but not how to change it before the paranoia kicks in. My brother, grandmother, and great-aunt were all institutionalized with paranoid schizophrenia at different times during their adult lives. I've stayed sane enough to avoid that but am worried for how long.

I moved to a country where I do not speak the language. Being mute enables my isolation and, ironically, graces me with perfect Belgian etiquette--one doesn't speak to strangers here. Talking to strangers back in the US helped meet my need to feel connected to other people. I feel safest when I perceive myself to be in control of the image I project. I fear that people can't really like me once they know me.

Every night before sleeping I imagine terrible scenes in which I have to heroically rescue my daughter or my partner. I can feel my heart race. Could I be addicted to adrenaline' Is that part of why I imagine any of these things' My temp is always at least one degree below normal and my blood pressure is very low. I wonder if part of my manufacturing anger/ fear is an attempt to normalize my circulation.

Liz, Germany

i have thought that the posters on my wall were real and that they laughed at me or thought that i am fat and stupid and that people outside whenever i pass 2 or more people i know they are talking about me i only have to here a laugh or a bit of conversation and i think its about me, its especially worse at this time of year when more people are out and about.

Clare, Spain

I'm a 21 year old student. for the past 2 years i've noticed myself going paranoid over simple things like going out for shopping , stationary n stuff. It has become extremely difficult to go out even in a group. Walking alone on the road scares the daylight out of me. i feel extremely uncomfortable to the extent of fear of some unknown force. As if everybody is staring at me and talking about me. that everything, from the way i walk n dress to wat i say or how i say it is being monitored and judged. quite similar to wat others said here if m walking by n somebody laughs i feel they are laughing at me , making fun of me.

Sometimes i feel that the security in our campus is investigating me. a few times i feel that i have conveniently forgotten huge parts of my memory.

Amanda, UK

Like Sarah, I am scared of the dark. As a child I hated the dark but on and off. Since having my baby I too have started to fear the dark. I worry that there is something paranormal (maybe the devil) coming to get me or my child. Although I know that it is not rational thinking I think at the time - how do I really know for sure' During the day I am quite relaxed and wonder why I worried so much the night before, but it can also keep me awake and interfere with my sleep. I have become more nervous when driving, fearing other cars on the roads especially on coming traffic (which is also during the day) fearing an accident although it is not so bad now. I have to check all doors are locked at night and may double check them, just in case. I hate worrying and would like to enjoy life and make the most of it.

Sarah, United States

I often have trouble sleeping at night because of paranoid thoughts. For me, paranoia has been a life-long struggle. It started as a child when I was terrified of the dark. I would imagine monsters at the window, or in the air vents. My two brothers did not make matters any better with their constant teasing and trying to scare me.

As I got older, my fear of the dark did not go away, but I could get over it by singing, or sleeping with the television on. I remember having other paranoid thoughts like someone watching me in the mirror. I mean, someone actually behind the mirror, watching me. I would grab a towel and bolt past the mirror...or, even more embarrassing to admit, taunt the 'people' staring at me. Actually talk to them.

Of course, the whole time I knew that in reality those mirror people weren't there, but there was always a conflicting part of my conscience that plagued my perception, and ultimately affected my behavior.

The complex lessened with age until very recently. I had my first child, and, while I am no longer afraid of the mirror people, or the monsters in the dark, I am still unable to sleep for fear of my baby's well-being.

This may sound common in new mothers, but given my background of skittish scaredey-cat patterns, it is conceivable that I have become a little delusional. I fight with myself every night to not let those thoughts materialize. But they eventually do. I envision strangers breaking in with weapons and threatening my child and myself, and my boyfriend being hurt and unable to help us.

There are thousands of scenarios I have walked through before sleep. It usually takes an hour or two for me to finally go to sleep. But some nights, like tonight, the eerie feeling won't subside, and every noise alerts me to no end. If my baby wakes up at any time in the hour of 3am, I immediately become scared. This is "supposed" to be the demon's hour, or something like that, so it is hard for me to get up and go take care of my child! Am I eight years old again' I am starting to feel tormented and may seek professional help; although, I'm not sure if that is necessary. From what I've read, many people have these fears.

I have never talked about mine before. At least not in such length. And I certainly have never admitted to anyone that I was afraid of the mirror. How silly is that' Still, I am looking for a way to enjoy my new life instead of constantly creating threatening scenarios in my mind, and losing sleep.

Elizabeth, USA

Ever since I was a child I have felt that people are staring at me or talking about me. I used to express it but now I never do, I keep it all to myself because I know it sounds crazy.

I feel like people get in my way on purpose in stores or on the street, especially when there are only a few people around; why do they need to block me or be near me or move exactly when I move exactly where I want to move to'

I feel like some people "know" who I am, like I am famous and they know that I am watched and bothered by some kind of external force, perhaps to measure my reactions, like an experiment. And these people that stare at me are stupid because they are letting me know I am special, and I am not supposed to know. I always think they are going to get in trouble for not being discreet.

If I am not 100% perfect, at my job, at my home and in life, I get problems. I get fired for making one mistake when I spend months doing everything else right, or I park slightly off and get a ticket. I always go the speed limit, and one time I went a little fast and got a very expensive speeding ticket. If I am not perfect in every way I will get into "trouble" somehow. I spend a lot of time making sure everything I do is spot-on. When I slip up there is always someone to tell me or some penalty.

I just wonder if you are paranoid but you KNOW it sounds crazy so you never tell anyone, are you really crazy'

Alan, United States

I travel a lot and have worked for many people. No matter where I go I always tend to think my supervisors are out to get me. Or the people at my job conspire to fire me. This causes a multitude of problems in my life. Recently I learned to accept the fact that I'm not perfect and when I make a mistake correct it quickly. I noticed a change in attitude of the people I work with and thus far have stopped thinking people single me out. Yet if I see people whispering or having a meeting that I was invited to, I still tend to think it's about me.

Louise, Australia

I sometimes get so paranoid that I think everyone is lying to me and that everyone is an actor (except me). It's basically like I am in the Truman Show and I am Truman. It's a really scary thought and I hope no one else ever experiences it because it is horrible.

Lee, London

I am a twenty three year old student. I often feel tensed and stressed while walking down the street past stationary traffic, I feel people may be judging me. Mainly though my fears stem from my own feeling of tension, self awareness and any awkward displays of body language. I also sometimes when in new social situations find myself tensing up and feeling extremely awkward yet I know meeting people generally should be an enjoyable experience. It affects the way I interact with people and I know I never make a good impression. I realize my lifestyle has caused this situation simply by taking to many drugs and developing excessive paranoia. I often wonder about the scientifically proven sense of telepathy and am curious to the extent of the connection.

Mac, London

I have had paranoid feelings for as long as I can remember. I am now 50. I had a very strict religious upbringing and just about everything was a sin according to my parents! This gradually turned me off from religion but as I became a mature adult I am left with paranoid and suspicious feelings. Let me give you an example, one day recently I forgot to put on deodorant after a shower. I became convinced that colleagues at work must have picked this up (nobody said anything!) but I am beside myself that someone might thing I am dirty! (I am actually very presentable!). For most of the time I can convince myself that this is being irrational but anytime I have something to look forward to, the thoughts return and it manages to ruin my evening! Its almost as if I cannot allow myself to enjoy myself or have a good time. This is just one example, I have hundreds of similar experiences that have managed to ruin the best times of my life.

Jenny, Spain

It goes way back, but now in my 30s, it's interfering with my life. I'm always sure I'm going to get fired. Any job... especially teaching. I was indeed fired once in my profession... three years ago. I've been called in, again, for a Friday after work session... I'm sure they will ask me to leave, buy out my contract, and have me escorted out with my possessions.

Also sure everyone at work thinks I've said something bad about someone... six months ago..I was always so popular at my last job... just can't shake the feeling'

I know this is silly, and that the world does not revolve around me... people have their own issues, that have nothing to do with this nice woman walking down the hall (me).

Jenny, Brighton

Like Alex I always think someone has come into my home and stolen the thing I can't find. My son always says 'who would want that'!' it is a family joke now but I still think it immediately something is not where I thought it would be! When very paranoid I think my phone is being tapped/I am being secretly filmed/being followed. I know it's not real but at the same time it is real: ignoring these thoughts just help them to grow. I have nightmares about someone being in my flat when I am asleep.

I have started reading the book and am finding such reassurance from other's personal accounts - such incredible relief to know I am fairly 'normal' for a paranoiac :o) I know why I feel the way I do but, before now, I didn't have any solution to stop these thoughts. Thank you for publishing your book.

Stacie, United States

I cannot sleep at night. I hear noises and I think that someone is trying to get me. No-one specific. Or that their might be someone in my house. I lock all the doors twice and I feel like I am losing it. during the day I am fine. My heart beats a hundred miles an hour when I am in bed. it is starting to scare me. I am starting to not sleep at all without a sleeping pill.

Elizabeth, United States

I have paranoia and feel like my very close friends secretly hate me and I am an obligation to have around. If I try to call one of them and their phone is off I can picture them looking at the ringing phone and laughing at me. This is a lot of my own insecurities and low self-worth that I am applying to people who generally care about me. Most of the time I can look outside of the box and realize that it's not true but in the height of paranoia I become anxious and convinced that it is true.

Teresa, London

Right now it’s Saturday evening. I've been looking forward to the weekend all week. Now it’s here all I can think about is the huge knot in my stomach and the thought that all next week every time people disappear into an office and close the door they are slagging me off. Saying how rude I am and unfriendly. I probably am a bit too! I want everyone to like me. I don’t feel able to relax with them. I dont know why...I suspect they think I am aloof and so don’t include me in things. I wouldn’t want to join in anyway as I cant enjoy myself for fear of saying the wrong thing and giving them more ammunition to talk about me.

Margaret, Slovenia

I often feel unsafe in the middle of the night, while walking around my apartment - or at any other place for that matter.

Sometimes when people (strangers) nearby talk and start laughing, I jump to the conclusion that it has something to do with me or my appearance.

I can't stand people walking behind me; to be exact, it's one person or two people. I usually slow down and sort of let them pass me by. It is incomparably "worse" at night: my mind instantly jumps to the idea that I might be in danger. However, it only happens if a man is walking behind me, even if a hundred meters away.

Sarah, Liverpool

I thought there was a camera in the lamp-post and a microphone in my button. I thought the cars behind were following me. People at work always seemed to use certain "phrases" - or I noticed them. Helicopters flew over our house and I was convinced they were spying on us and checking we were at home. I thought the phone was bugged. I really noticed policemen - they seemed to be everywhere and police cars and vans were there because of me. I did not think there was something wrong with my thinking, I thought there was something wrong with society. Why didn't society trust me' I learnt in the end that maybe it was me not trusting myself and maybe I needed to do stuff that I "approved" of and felt good about.

Robert, Whitehaven

I feel paranoid only when I'm in a bad mood (usually at work or when tired), and feel I have a constant miserable facial expression.

When I'm in this state I feel that people are looking at me, and possibly talking about me. I'm usually aware of any laughing.

If I'm in a good mood, paranoia or any other negative thoughts never even cross my mind. I'm assuming its human nature, but I still don't like it.

Jane, Cambridge

My husband left me and very swiftly started to see a woman who he had previously been good friends with. I blamed her for the split and for being forced to leave my home etc, and worked this up until I became certain that she wanted me destroyed so that she could steal my life completely. This affected me as I was very fearful if I heard her name and felt I had to go to great lengths to avoid her, I also had constant nightmares and felt very fierce towards her.

Mia, Sheffield

I'm a fifteen year old student. There are this group of guys in my school. They had teased me before but now, whenever I have my back turned, I keep thinking they are making jokes and saying horrible stuff about me. And when I turn around and they laugh, I think they are laughing at me.

Shelley, Essex

On a really bad day I hate people even looking at me - I image that they are thinking that I’m so ugly they really pity me. I hate it when people are walking behind me for the same reason. I’m sure that people hate being near or around me - and I agree with Ian that if I’m near a group of people and they start laughing I’m convinced they are laughing about me.

Camilla, Bristol

I seem to feel that the people I care about the most, care very little about me and they conspire and talk behind my back about how they wish I would leave them alone.

Wendy, Sydney

At least once a day, I think that others may be following me and want to harm me. It usually happens when people stare at me or get physically too close to me. It can happen anywhere, whether I am walking or driving in my car. The thought pops automatically in my head. Because of this thought and believe I get scared walking alone at night and have felt afraid to stay at home on my own too.

I also tend to get very irritable when drivers get to close to my car while I'm on the road, as I think they want to make me go faster and control me in that way. I've never really coped well with being told what to do. Perhaps that's my paranoid thought that makes me believe that others want to control me,this thought makes me get annoyed and really stressed about it.

Used to have eerie feelings when going to the bathroom at night, felt as if there were ghosts or spirits that were around me, awful feeling. This has subsided. I also recall my dreams and when I am under stress, anxiety or worrying I get nightmares very often.

I feel that my paranoid thoughts have created more stress and anxiety.

Kevin, Dublin

Often when I'm sitting at my desk in work I think I'm being watched from behind and it makes me very self-conscious. Sometimes I'm even afraid to swallow! Sometimes I think that people judge me to be different or a threat. Life is most often a battle against others rather than a loving and supportive experience.

Alex, Sussex

If I can't find something, I always used to immediately think one of my friends or house-mates has stolen it or broken it and hidden it to annoy me and mess me about. I don't trust anyone.

Jennifer, New Zealand

I am 38. I used to think my husbands family hated me so much that they would entrap me and beat me up or kill me for 'taking their son'. At the time it was a real fear and I had an escape plan or hiding place everywhere I went. I even had dad build a secret escape hatch in our backyard fence. 14 years later I realise this was all rather stupid.

Angela, Middlesbrough

I am suffering from depression; last month while out driving I felt I was being followed. The car in question was a taxi, so I drove slowly. My suspicion increased as he never overtook me and also his end destination was the same as mine, even though it was some 15 miles in total. I thought someone was checking to see if my driving was compromised due to my depression.

Mark, Newcastle

I have thought people are stalking me round Tesco, talking about aspects of my private life in earshot. I have then thought a few weeks later I have seen the same people park their car near work and stare at me while I am on a break. I have thought people are moving things round in my flat.

Lara, UK

I have had constant paranoid fears since I was a child. The earliest I can remember would be since I was about 7 or 8, and I hope that Jack, USA reads this because I am in every way the same as he is. I used to lie in bed at night, frightened that someone would come in, kill my family and then stab me repeatedly in the back. It is always my back for some reason, and I have a problem with people touching my back even now, which I think is related to my fear.

I have always, always been paranoid about people hiding behind doors that are left slightly open. The initial fear is that someone is there, who intends to harm me, but my second thought is always that they have a knife.

My main fear is of someone coming into my house. When I wake up in the morning, I tip toe around each room cautiously checking to see if someone is there, and only relax and once I am certain they are not. The next problem I face, every day, is showering. I always think every sound I hear when I'm in the shower is someone in my house. It takes me about five minutes to pluck up the courage to actually leave my bathroom once I shower, and sometimes I have to check all the rooms again to be certain.

I have always had fears I was being watched or followed, even since I was a little child. And I now fear that I am going to be shot from a passing car when I'm walking down the street. I am completely aware my fears are irrational, but I can't shake them. I also have really bad nightmares quite often, usually involving people harming me, and I suffer quite badly from sleep paralysis. It's really getting me down. But it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way.

Paul, UK

It feels good to know that I am not alone. As I have got older - I am 23 now, the problem seems to have grown. It probably stems from the life I have had. I always expect and plan for the worst, and it seems that the worst is always realised. This is with both people and situations. With people, I always expect them to disappoint me in someway or another i.e. I always expect the worst in people. With situations, I always expect them to conspire against me so I end up the loser. This problem is having a real impact on my life in that I spend an undue amount of time deliberating events, instances, outcomes, and solutions. This causes me a great deal of anxiety and stress. The problem seems to have got worse over the past six months, in which I have been unemployed - after graduating. They say idle time is the devil’s workshop, and for me it's tumultuous. I am hoping this will improve over the next year as I have decided to go back to university complete a master's degree, although I fear it won't. I have not told anyone about my problem out of fear that I might be branded mad. I still think there is a stigma attached to any form metal problem. If it does not improve, I hope to get help, although I don't know how yet.

Jake, UK

Well when i am walking places and there are people walking behind me i think they are talking about me and laughing at me even if they dont know me and when i see people in front of me i have to walk a different way coz im scared that they will kill me and i cant sleep facing the wall in my room i have to sleep facing the door and i hate being home alone i feel like somebody is watching me.

Sam, UK

Having had a very abusive childhood I have suffered from severe depression for years. I think that people can read my thoughts, that people are talking about me and will harm me. I get very frightened in the house as the walls whisper things to me that the neighbours can read my thoughts and will get me. Life most of the time is hell.

Ruth, USA

I've always felt that, when I go down hallways with people in them, they're looking at me, making fun of me, ridiculing what I'm wearing, my hair, no matter if they are or not. It's even worse if I hear them talking about someone else, because then I just assume it's me. No matter who I talk to, I feel like I'm annoying them, like no one wants to talk to me. Because of this, I don't start conversations very often and only talk to a tight-knit group of friends. I reminisce on old fights with my family and friends, thinking they still hate me over things that happened a long time ago. In essence, I guess it feels like everyone's always out to get me, and that in reality, I'm a nuisance to everyone.

Ali, USA

Up until recently, I thought I was the only one having paranoid thoughts or racing thoughts. And for me, it's always someone trying to steal something from me, whether it's my talent, my work, my stuff, my pet, my identity. And I can't get it back. I'm embarrassed to say this extends to body parts! yes, I know it's not real. I'm grounded in reality, but the thoughts do bother me. I've been afraid to wear my own jewellery for fear someone will take it. It's terrible. It totally interferes with my life and my work. I'm glad that I'm not the only one. Makes me feel a little less weird. Thank you for everyone who's posted.

Holly, UK

Since a couple of months ago i have been suffering with anxiety related paranoia. I think?
I feel that someone wants to kill me or torture me. Every person that looks at me in their car and looks at me, I am convinced there is some major plot to get me.
Every time I see someone acting suspicious, parking outside my house or people just looking at me in the street send me into a crazy panic mood.
I keep asking myself, am I paranoid or is someone trying to kill me????
I have a really happy life and a family and I feel like I cant enjoy what I have because of this paranoia.
I have to rustle the cover over my ear in bed each night so I dont hear any noises that would sound suspicious to me. How pathetic.
I just dont want to feel like this any more. Im scared and really sad.
I feel so alone and wish I had someone to support me through all of this.

Frank, USA

hey guys i would like to tell u that i get paranoid every where i feel people dont like me that im a nobody and think that im aweird guy i have a lazy eye so that make me more negative thinking about myself i feel people keep looking at me i feel like im going crazy dont trust my family friends i feel they talk bad behind my back like last time i called off to work and they saw me buy beer with a friend i work at a supermarket and then the day after i called sick at work and next thing i know they tell me they were saying i had a hangover i was a drinker that affected me so much got me depressed and mad i dont know why i care so much what people think about me i just wanna be the old me when i was really happy

Chloe, USA

I have thoughts that people are always watching me, especially my neighbors, the entire time i am outside-i have feelings that they are standing at their window watching my every move. It does not matter if its the grocery store ,department store, once someone looks at me--thats it;now everyone is watching me. I think about death alot,too. I am a people pleaser, everything i do i want someone to compliment me on it. When they don't my feelings are hurt.

Vanessa, UK

I am sorry that you all have these experiences, but I'm so relieved to find that there are others like me. I take medication for anxiety and feel tense, anxious and paranoid ALL the time. I've been paranoid since I was little - I used to imagine that people were going to do something bad to our house or my sisters or mum, I was scared outside that someone would get me, I've always been scared of other people in class. Thirty years later, I'm sorry to say, this is just getting worse for me. I was just given a lateral transfer at work, and believe this is because everyone in my department hated me so my bosses thought it best to move me. Because of this, I think that in the new department I have to make a success but I'm so afraid that already people hate me and my new bosses think they've made a mistake by taking me on. I feel increasingly isolated from my family and think that they all just think I'm troublesome and not worth the bother. Because of this in the last few weeks I've even stopped calling them and getting in touch. I feel tense and anxious all the time, and at night just think of all the things that worry me through the day, it's so upsetting that I've had suicidal thoughts at times. I just feel that everyone is exasperated and angry that I'm stupid (I'm a graduate and speak 4 languages!). I just don't know what to do to help myself and I even feel too paranoid to go to the doctor as they will just think I am lying about being ill to get attention or something!!!!!!!! This website is a gift, at least I don't feel I'm completely alone in this. Thanks for sharing your experiences x

Sam, UK

i always think my friends dont like me and people are out to get me and i dont have any confidence in my self i think i am ugly and fat even though people tell me i am not i still think i am i also get depressed and angry very easly what can i do lol im glad im not the only one that feels like this though :)

Bethany, Australia

I relate to a number of experiences here. Some nights I cannot sleep, no matter how tired, because I am positive someone is in my house and wants to harm my family and I. I hear sounds and try to rationalise them, but always conclude it could be someone opening a door or stepping on the floor boards. I end up turning the TV on in our room and waiting till I fall asleep without noticing.

I also have feelings that people are talking about me constantly in a negative context and that they wish to see me fail in life. I interpret friends not contacting me for an amount of time as them avoiding me. This might actually be rational if I didn't think it of nearly every friend I have. I interpret situations as if someone is belittling me. I often try to be a high achiever almost as a way to reassure myself I am capable and can be recognised as a person who achieves a high status - but often I ruin my own chances by seeing everyone as competitive and wanting to take over.

I think that my husband's family constantly plot against me and don't want anything to do with me.

I'm not sure what's real and what's not anymore. I even have strong beliefs I will get a terrible illness or that I will have a car accident. I think about my funeral and I obsess about who I want and who I don't want to be there. I obsess about the details of something that will be out of my hands, like the music to be played, the venue, the burial.

The worst thing is watching this happen and almost knowing it's not real but yet the paranoid me, always has an explanation for why my paranoid thoughts are *not* paranoid. I'm really not sure how to deal with this anymore because it rules my every interaction with every person I meet.

It seems ridiculous that every person I come into contact with, would want to talk about me negatively to great lengths. I was even amazed the other day to voice that I thought a bug could have been placed in my house due to a friend making a comment related to a private conversation at home with my husband.

I think in some ways, it is comforting to know that I'm not entirely alone. Unfortunately my paranoia has sometimes been spot on, which leads me to further believe that I have a ridiculous ESP ability. I need to get rid of that idea and start addressing the fact my thoughts are paranoid.

Charlotte, UK

I have only recently become a bit paranoid (if this is what it is) - I have always felt that I never fitted in anywhere and that I was very different from other people in any social group, or that everyone else is somehow better than me - I usually view other people as being cleverer than me, more attractive, more socially capable and more popular, and I always feel that other people think of me as a bit of a weirdo, or a bit "mad". I always think that if someone wants anything to do with me, wants to meet me for lunch or invites me to their house or something, then they must be a bit peculiar (mad or weird) or strange themselves. More recently I have started to believe that a particular woman at work is 'tailing' me and waiting for me in the corridors so she can follow me with bad intent to see what I am up to, and I believe she suspects me of doing something dishonest at work and will report me to my superiors for this. I feel that my superiors at work are keeping notes about me and compare with each other if I am ever late or make a mistake or take too long for my lunch-break or something. I feel they tolerate me and they all think of me as being a special case. They might all secretly pity me for being "not all there" or feel that I'm a nuisance to them. I always feel left out of things in most situations - I feel that other people in any group have special relationships with each other that I am not invited to share - they might go for lunch together or to each others' houses, and I won't be invited. I always think other people in groups that I'm in have much more in common with each other than I could ever have, I always feel left out or excluded from most social or work groups. I also think that a group of people at the allotment I go to are invading my area when I am not there and are deliberately doing things to annoy me such as leaving my electric lights on after I switch them off and are making a mess and fiddling with my things when I am not there. I also think that they hang about saying nasty things under their breath about me when I pass, or if I hear laughing/giggling I always think this is directed at me (this is at the allotment not at work).

Thomas, UK

I've suffered with this for nearly 10 years now and it seems to get more intense as time goes on. I feel that there is a conspiracy against me, that a group of people I don't know what to harm me, or on really bad days want me dead. I feel that I can hear people walking past my house talking about me and criticising me or planning to harm me. More recently I've been feeling that people are stalking me, I see cars pull away when I go near or see people stood about watching. The fear I experience is immense, when I perceive an event being aimed at me my mind puts it all together and I get really anxious. All the small suspicious things that have happened to me in recent months are woven together.

I can't escape it and no matter how much I try to deny it my mind feels that if I don't believe it's real then I'm letting my guard down.

Evie, UK

I have suffered with paranoia for most of my life and i'm now heading for 40. The worse time i have with it at work. I had a manager a few years back who bullied me and got me thrown out of my job and made it clear that it was because I was a threat to her position. Ever since then I fear that in any job I do that people are talking about me behind my back, unfortunately in my last long term job I had this did turn out to be true. I am now in a job that is temp to perm and there has been issues in getting me perm and I cannot stop the thought that they never will and that they will get someone else in and they will take my place because of my paranoia as I am not fit to keep down a job.
The fear of being made unemployed and thus losing my place I live is tearing me to pieces. It hasn't been helped by my parents pointedly telling me that if I ever need somewhere to live I could not live with them as the only spare space they have is reserved for my niece and nephew whenever they stay over.
I suffer badly with self esteem and I know that a lot of this stems back to my childhood as my mother was always telling me that I was an accident and that my younger siblings were planned and wanted. My mother also is still to this day very happy to tell anyone who wants that she has never been able to love me and only tolerated me because she gave birth to me.
I am doing my best to fight my paranoias but it is hard to keep going on your own. My doctors refuse to listen to me and just want to prescribe drugs all the time, but they just make me very ill and the only option open me they state is lithium and i refuse to take that or any other antidepressants as they don't solve the issues or actually help me.
I would like to thank all of those who posted their stories here and given me the confidence to post mine.

Pete, South Africa

About four year ago I started getting panic attacks out of the blue, for no reason, it happened mostly while i was asleep. I've always been scared of the dark, since i was a little child. I am now 28 and things are only getting worse. Ive had experiences with ghosts and even seeing the spirits of animals.. I would hear ghosts in my flat, they even used to touch me and sleep next to me, as I could hear them breath. Now for about the last 3 years i can hear a ghost's heartbeat, it sometimes goes away. The last year and a half ive developed extreme paranoia. Im scared someone would brake into my house and kill me.. I constantly check if the doors and windows are locked. Even though ive locked it a minute ago, i check if someone has fiddled with it. I always have thoughts of someone cutting of my burglar bars or climbing through my roof. When i have an argument with someone, days later it strikes me that they are planning on hireing someone to kill me. My worst fear is when im driving. I always get the feeling that someone is following me. When I see a car behind me, i get an overwhelming fear, my legs go lame and i start shaking. I always travel long distance, because of the kind of work i do. It feels like they are following me, with the tendency to push me off the road and shoot me. The other day i was driving and a car was standing along side the road, as i passed them, they jumped in their car and started chasing me. And the worst part was that it was the police. I still think they tried to kill me. My fears are getting more and more, Im constantly thinking about death. Im scared of dying or loosing one of my lovedones. I dont know what to do. Ive visited a doctor and ive been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. Im suppossed to go on medication, wich i have to go and fetch in another town. But im too scared to drive. Im at this stage where i dont want to drive anymore. Because it feels like im always getting followed.

Grace, Australia

I have had bipolar disorder for a number of years now and in past year the paranoid thoughts have driven me insane( even more so ).I think that when someones phone rings its about me, if I can't hear the conversation then its about me. That people don't really want me around they are just putting up with me. I feel that people think derogitory things about the way I look or the things I say, even strangers in the street. I feel that people are laughing at me for things I say or do. Suicidal thoughts are frequent, no matter how kind people are.

Anonymous, UK

ok, firstly, i am paranoid in case someone sees my name and city so i have put anonymous and just my country. so, i am paranoid every minute of the day, its killing me. i have a problem were i think i am ugly and look odd to everyone, and when i am in the street, or in a public place were there is lots of people, i think there talking about me, laughing, and judging me. it feels so real, and i dont even know if i am PARANOID. i was once at a party with my family, but there was a group of males over the other side of the room i didnt know, and they were looking towards me and laughing and joking, and i was so anxious and just scared they were laughing at me, it got that bad, i had to leave the building and go home, and as i was going home, all the cars going by were also making me nervous, it felt like everyone was looking at me and following.i now dont leave me house because this is how it is when i go out all the time. even my family, i feel they talk about me when im out of the room, i dont know if this is because i am insecure and feel like i am ugly and fat myself, but just a little look from anyone, my thought is straight away, there thinking i am weird and ugly. im so lonely because of this!!! argh!

Jen, USA

I spend a great deal of my time "lost" in my thoughts. I have these thoughts that are like chain reaction events..."if I go to the store I may get in an accident, kid may run out in front of me, my truck may catch fire...." I have alost gotten into accidents becuase my thoughts turn into images and I react to them ..like by jerking the wheel so I dont hit the kid that I am worried about running out in front of me! I know its all in my head. I also never feel alone. I feel like someone is watching me. I hate being alone. I hate the dark. Every noise I hear at night keeps me awake. I have to be covered from head to toe to keep me safe at night (not like my blanket is really going to keep me safe?) - I am sick of these thoughts...yet I cant stop them...

Margaret, UK

every night i am always having to check the doors and windows ect beause im scared that someone is going to break in and hurt my family my 6month baby especially i get horrible images in my head and bad dreams. i get so scared i have to set an alarm every night to check on my baby. when im desperate for the toilet i wont go im to scared to go downstairs unless my partner comes down with me. i also get paranoid about my partner cheating on me and always ask stupid querstions to him and i can see it frustrates him but i cant help it. i feel low and then start to get horrible thoughts in my head that he might be unfaithfull. this has all started since being pregnant and worsend after having my child. it has progressed due to things happened to my family,my partner going out and not coming home and people telling me my partner has been unfaithfull!! i can always tell when my partner is lying and he dosent seem o be lying when i ask him questions i just cant get it out of my head and it is really getting me down. and i just dont no what is wrong with me....

Russ, UK

my paranoid thoughts all seem to stem from my guilt over actions i have taken and things i have done wrong. i have been incarcerated in the past and now tried to move on with my life in a positive direction. i cannot be alone in someones house with just them, i feel im being set up. i dont like meeting people in public i feel im going to get kidnapped. i think at night people are going to break in and harm me and my family. i am being irrational but have had a gun pulled on me in the past when someone set me up for a car jack attempt, i managed to get away. its getting worse lately and i even feel my girlfriend is trying to set me up despite knowing that this is 100% not the case. i feel like an idiot

Geoff, USA

i just turned 20. for a few years i have been having suspicious thoughts about friends and people i am close with. it started getting bad last year. anytime i go anywhere and people laugh i know there laughing about me, or when people look at me i feel like there plotting against me. i have two close friends and i constantly think they are talking about me behind my back, and i just lost my fiancee due to the fact i can never trust her and she says i have been emotionally abusing her, which most of the time i never even realized i did. im not quite sure what to do.

Amber, UK

Well, what can I say? I am starting to believe that I genuinely suffer from one form of paranoia or the other. I started university last year and it has not been entirely easy, academically and socially. Although I have encountered feelings of anxiety and paranoia before in my life.

If I am with a friend, who maybe has a closer friend with them who does not talk to me as much in the conversation, I always get the feeling that that other person does not want me around, or is slightly resentful of my presence. If someone I text does not text back, I assume it is because they do not want to talk to me, and just ignore or delete my text. I also feel they must be annoyed with me for bothering them, and wish I would leave them alone. Also that they are only being polite with me in a conversation and eagerly want to talk to someone else who shows up.

When I am in shops or on the street, I presume they are watching me to see if I do something strange, so they can secretly laugh to themselves. Or if I have been in a group meeting, as soon as I walk away, they start making comments about how I acted. I also think people are going to make "look at loner/saddo" expressions when they see me on my own. I also panic and look to see if everyone else is with their friends.

I really want to be happy and stop looking behind my back for threats. I also don't want to quit studying, and would like a job as an auxiliary nurse, as I do enjoy working with people on a professional level. I have one best friend and two or three other close friends, and people I talk to. However, I wonder if people pity me or think I am a loner because I do not go out clubbing or anything, and don't have more buddies.

So do I suffer from paranoia, and/or low self-esteem? I really want to do something about this, and talk to someone professional who I can trust. But I am even afraid of a professional getting it wrong and putting me on a cocktail of drugs- which I don't want! I would rather talk. I'm scared that I am just selfish, and want everyone to like me or at least think I am alright.

Gavin, UK

aye was on alot of drugs like pills and was ah everyday dope smoker but aye stopt it all aye got really bad thoughts goingin throo my head 1 dqy aye can be fine then the next it all hits me hings av dun in the past r folk talkin about me aye get this alot still and aye suffer everyday really hate it need it 2 stop they say u will get better but aye keep gettin worse

H, USA

It was quite scary because my mother had passed away when I was seven, and my father was physically abusive. When I had gotten older, similar like the Truman show, I thought these guys that I liked were following me around and that everyone could hear my thoughts, because these guys would say out loud the things I was thinking. I started to think everyone knew what I was thinking and were weirded out by me. I felt like the Truman show and started to feel paranoid about going outside or even being at home because I could not control my thoughts and believed everyone around me, knew what I was thinking. These guys were following me around, and I didn't know why. I wished they would leave me alone, and as I continued with my medication, the feeling of being followed, watched, or as if ppl can read my mind has decreased and diminished. Now I am healthier, but sometimes, I get a moment of doubt and question whether it was real. Things in my life happen, and usually I try to convince myself that I am just imagining my old suspicions, However, because of my past experiences of feeling like I was being followed, watched, and known by everyone, sometimes, I get scared when I think that it was or is really true. I have to constantly remind myself that it's my illness, because I am diagnosed with bipolar.

Rick, USA

My whole life, (with few exceptions), has been quite traumatic in terms of interpersonal relationships and in particular relationship conflicts. Being perpetually on guard allows me to function at some level in society, where I can make 'risk assessments' of various situations and then choose how to react to people or situations, by the level of risk involved. So it becomes impossible to talk about being 'on guard' without identifying the different types of risk and danger, and also to talk about consequences of making any particular decision.

The biggest risk factor for me, (for whatever reason, I don't know), has been the fear of ridicule. Ridicule, and the risk of ridicule is perhaps the most persuasive and terrifying worry that I have to confront and deal with on a daily basis. Most of the time I will do, (or say), whatever I need to do (or say) to avoid ridicule. This practice includes habitual lying, deceit, and concealment activities.Other areas of risk that I access include financial risks physical danger, risk of failure, and fears of losing the good things in my life that I already have, IE: comfort, security, mental faculties ect. Fear of death is not one of these concerns, although I hope my death will be quick and as pain free as possible as I dislike suffering.

An example of some of the risk factors at any given time, including in this very room right now. You, as another person with free will, you could insult me, ridicule me, yell at me, physically assault me or even kill me should you choose to do so. Conversely, you could be compassionate, provide care and comfort, provide a sense of friendship and assist to alleviate some of my fears. So in making a risk assessment of you the assessment that I make of you determines how I will interact with you. This could be cautious, could be avoidant, could be joyful, and could be any number of other things that are dependant on the actual circumstances and my history of previous interactions with you.

Personal risk is only one component of the risk 'premium' in the room however. Other factors may be other people, what are my relationships to them, how are they likely to react to me, ect. The more people present, the greater the risk of unknowns, the greater the dangers of unforeseen and unplanned for events taking place that I do not have control of, or that I have insufficient control of.

As a result of forever being on guard and taking only calculated risks, I avoid crowds- the risk factors are too high, my personal control of events and circumstances are way, way too low. I consequently dislike activities like parties, music concerts, or even shopping in crowded stores for groceries. I even stress to my kids to 'spot the danger' to be ever vigilant to protect themselves.

Another factor would be physical safety. Am I safe here in this room? The furniture is likely flammable and could, with a source of ignition ignite and cause physical injury to one or both of us. The furniture or other objects in the room if picked up and thrown could be considered weapons that could cause me physical harm. How stable and well built is the structure we are meeting in? Would the structure provide security from the weather, and natural disasters such as tornadoes, flash floods, or Earthquakes? Other risks include wiring problems, and resulting dangers of electrocution.

Lucas, UK

im at the beginning of this awful paranoia just goin through all these gr8 comments and tips me my self im still struggling i suppose its cause im dyslexic i struggle to understand some of these gr8 solutions. Its horrible having an ex trying to make things better and theres paranoia kicking in then me thinking she hating me and wanting to be with some one else when in fact thats probably not the case as u can tell im still so bad bad want to get rid of this good luck to anyone with this all these comments should help any one who thinks chatting to some one with same prob feel free to get in touch

Sarah, USA

I remember always being paranoid trough out my life but never new it was paranoia. My friends would tease me and say "your so paranoid". As I got older it became worse.
In February of 2009 I had gone through several weeks of severe paranoia. I thought everyone at work was conspiring against me. I believed that law enforcement was plotting to set me up. I thought law enforcement used my neighbors to plant listening devices and cameras in my home. I even heard voices that I was being set up to be killed. I covered all the vents in my home with tape, took apart my television for fear there was a hidden camera inside and cut the wires of all my smoke detectors. Everywhere I went I believed I was being followed. If I tried to talk to anyone about it they didn't believe me. I isolated myself from everyone with great mistrust of them. The depression and fear became more than I could handle and I attempted suicide. I was found and lay in ICU for 3 days then a week long hospital stay. During my stay in the hospital my paranoia continued. I believed the hospital staff was conspiring to kill me by poisoning my food or putting poison in my IV as I slept. I escaped from the hospital on the 3rd day but was found and brought back and strapped to my bed. After my week stay when my liver was ok, I entered a medical unit Where I was finally diagnosed with Paranoid personality Disorder and Bipolar Type 1. Through treatment and understanding of my illness I am better today. Although I still have small episodes, I am learning to distinguish them from reality. Cognitive Thinking is a useful tool. There is no known cure but you can triumph over this difficult disease with the support of understanding friends and family and the willingness and determination to get well.

Debbie, UK

I have always had the fear of being in crowds until recently i have developed more fears such as; checking under my bed, checking my closet door, making sure the bathroom door is locked at all times and the window in the bathroom is closed. I check myself out before i go to sleep or shower because i feel as though i will have a sudden change in me after something. I have issues with sleeping. I have to have two pillows, if one is missing i can't sleep, i feel as though someone came and stole it. I also have the fear of changing sheets often ( i know it's horrible but i try my best to change it every 2 weeks) because i feel as though when i put new ones on, my scent is not there anymore and i feel paranoid as if its not my sheets. I always have to have my phone next to me. I get panicky within crowds (especially very loud crowds such as; at a football match or protesting etc) But when i am around my own friends i feel fine until i daydream and i become insecure and start shaking as if everyone is talking about me. I can never sleep with my foot out because i feel like something will pull me. I also hate how mirrors get steamed up after a long hot shower. I'm so glad i came across this website. Thank you.

Anna, UK

A lot of what i've read here rings true with me, to the point i'm suspicious if this site has been set up - this has been my way of thinking for the last 6 months - that i'm part of some kind of Truman Show style psychological experiment. I've always been fairly self aware and known my way of thinking was far from 'normal'. I took a lot of drugs for a year and had a paranoid episode after a weekend of too many. Now my mind feels permanently altered, i'm in constant conflict between accepting i'm paranoid and thinking i've just come to notice whats been going on all along.

Ella, Canada

I feel there is a hidden camera in the house and is watching my every move. Whenever I go to the bathroom I never turn on the light for fear of being seen. At work when I see a group of people talking in the lunch room, I think they are talking about me. I keep moving things around in the house because if I don't move them, me or my family will be harm. At night before I go to sleep I make sure all the opening in my bedroom is sealed and the door is locked and bolded, for fear someone will let in the sleeping gas and then come in to rape me. I fear there are people out there that wants to harm me and I don't know what to do. It seems to get worse as I get older.

Mirika, India

I'm 21 year old and a student... I've always been very studious. recently I saw a program on dark magic. The day I saw I did not have any problems. Some days before my exams were about to commence( around a couple of weeks after watching that program)I suddenly began to get suspicious thoughts( like some one would be doing such things on me).. I know its totally stupid to think like that and such things are just fictional. But still I couldnt overcome such thoughts and I feel like its eating away my mind.. I couldnt even concentrate on anything.. I just hope I would soon overcome these feelings... Its horrible...

Leah, UK

I use recreational drugs and drink a lot which is probably what is causing it.

Everytime I walk out of a room I think my friends are talking about me... sometimes I convince myself I can hear them saying things.

I'm seeing a guy, and am constantly paranoid that he's with someone else.

I can't stay home alone because I get scared, I'm scared of the dark, of someone breaking in. And when someone is being nice to me I always think there's a hidden meaning behind it. Always trying to read between the lines when there's only one line.

When these thoughts come to me, I can hardly breathe, I get a bad headache, I can't concentrate, I can't think of anything else. Until i see the person or some thing reassures me I'l stay paranoid about. Even after i get reassured, my paranoia comes back within a day at the most.

It's horrible, I can see it becoming a problem and ruining relationships it has already ruined a few.

I'm only 18... but this is driving me insane. i feel like crying half the time then laughing at myself when it passes. I know the thought are irrational but I can't help them at all

Lydia, UK

I live in a day that recurs . No matter how hard I try to make things better or to rationalise something comes along and pulls me back into the start of the day. It is an eternal mightmare. I feel I am not listened to and no one understands my thoughts or feelings. Nothing matters to other people .I try to defend my self and no one believes me. I know I cannot make things better as nothing can help. They want me to die but yet the day keeps me alive. I dont understand.

Jay, UK

i have always had some problems growing up e.g ocd and depression which i delt with on my own but then at 16 i began to smoke cannabis and i am now 18 and have quit smoking it, i loved goin on a night out but recently i have not felt like doing anything and jus staying in i have felt paranoid for many months now but the last few have been severe i feel as though wen i go out someone is going to attempt to harm me and in confrontations with other people i cannot help but shake through fear i never have been like this before i used to be able to stand my ground but i feel as though i cant now

Liam, UK

Sometimes i would find myself in positions where i wanted to scream around to the people why they opposed me or hated me or were secretly talking about me. I found it hard to rationalise, it traumatised and scarred me mentally. It forced me into mental loneliness and unhappiness. But now I take a deep breathe, ask what makes you so special? why would any other person want to ridicule you like that? out of the 7 billion people in the world to the 400 in the room, why would the shed interest in you? Do you have interest in them? Stop analysing, start relaxing its easier on the mental health.